Gaslighting in Everyday Life: The Little Lies That Steal Your Sanity

It doesn’t always start with something big. Sometimes, gaslighting looks like tiny lies, brushed-off comments, or someone insisting “you’re remembering it wrong.”

At first, you second-guess yourself. Then, slowly, you begin doubting your own memory, feelings, and perception of reality. That’s the hidden danger of gaslighting: it doesn’t just distort what happened — it chips away at your trust in yourself.

Gaslighting isn’t just something that happens in dramatic relationships or psychological thrillers. It can show up in friendships, workplaces, families, and even day-to-day conversations. And the little lies? They add up, leaving you feeling unsteady, anxious, and unsure of your own truth.

Let’s look at what gaslighting really is, how to spot it, and how to respond when someone tries to twist your reality.

How do you know when you are being gaslighted?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone makes you question your memory, feelings, or perception of events. It can be as obvious as flat-out denying something they said — or as subtle as joking about your “overreaction” until you feel ashamed for even bringing it up.

Signs you may be experiencing gaslighting include:

• Frequent self-doubt. You find yourself replaying conversations, wondering if you imagined things.
• Feeling confused or “foggy.” After interacting with them, you’re less certain about what actually happened.
• Apologizing too much. You take the blame, even when you’re not sure what you did wrong.
• Withdrawing from others. You hesitate to talk about what’s going on because you fear no one will believe you.
• Loss of confidence. You feel smaller, less capable, and increasingly dependent on the other person’s version of events.

Gaslighting thrives in silence and self-blame. The moment you name it for what it is, you begin to take back your power.

How do gaslighters argue?

If you’ve ever tried to argue with a gaslighter, you know it feels less like a conversation and more like being trapped in a maze. Their goal isn’t resolution — it’s control.

Here are common patterns in how gaslighters argue:

• Deflection. Instead of addressing the issue, they flip it back on you: “You’re the one overreacting.”
• Denial. Even with proof, they’ll insist, “That never happened.”
• Minimization. They downplay your feelings: “You’re too sensitive.”
• Word-twisting. They’ll cherry-pick or distort your words to make you seem unreasonable.
• Exhaustion tactics. They drag out arguments until you give up, leaving them with the final word.

Arguing with a gaslighter often leaves you drained and more confused than when you started — which is exactly the point. The cycle keeps you questioning yourself instead of questioning their behavior.

What to say when someone is gaslighting you?

Responding to gaslighting can be tricky, especially if you’re caught off guard. The key is to stay grounded in your reality — even if they refuse to acknowledge it.

Some empowering things you can say:

• “That’s not how I remember it.”
• “I know how I felt, and my feelings are valid.”
• “We’re not going to rewrite what happened.”
• “I don’t need you to agree, but I know my truth.”

These statements won’t necessarily change the gaslighter’s behavior (because the problem isn’t your communication — it’s their manipulation). But they remind you that your perspective matters. That’s where healing starts.

How do I shut down a gaslighter?

The hard truth: you can’t control whether someone gaslights you. But you can protect yourself — and that begins with setting boundaries.

Ways to shut down a gaslighter’s influence include:

• Stop arguing in circles. If the conversation feels like it’s going nowhere, walk away.
• Document things. Keep notes, texts, or emails so you have proof of events when your memory is questioned.
• Set boundaries. Tell them clearly: “I won’t continue this conversation if you deny my reality.”
• Seek support. Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can validate your experience.
• Limit exposure. If possible, reduce your time with the gaslighter or step away from the relationship entirely.

Shutting down a gaslighter doesn’t always mean confrontation. Sometimes it means quietly reclaiming your reality, choosing distance, and surrounding yourself with people who see and believe you.

Final Thoughts: Trusting Yourself Again

Gaslighting can make you feel like you’ve lost your grip on reality — but you haven’t. What’s been stolen isn’t your sanity, but your trust in yourself. And that trust can be rebuilt.

The truth is, you are not “too sensitive.” You are not “making things up.” You are noticing real patterns of manipulation. Naming gaslighting is the first step in breaking free from its grip.

At Relational Healing, we support individuals untangling from gaslighting — helping you rebuild confidence, restore self-trust, and learn how to protect your boundaries in future relationships.

Because you deserve clarity. You deserve to trust your own voice. And you deserve relationships where honesty isn’t a weapon, but a foundation.

Get started with Renee Lederman, LPC, today.